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The Fair Sex
I remember Benazir Bhutto as a mixed bag for women: a privileged intelligent and elegant woman, a dubious leader, and victim of the immense and tragic power struggles of the evolving south central Asian world. She was also a mother, and it is as such that I feel the tearing of my own heart in the wake of her assassination yesterday.
Let me clarify "mixed bag for women."
The women who became national and world leaders in the latter half of the 20th Century (including, but not limited to: Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Corazon Aquino, Benazir Bhutto) found that being seen as a tough-minded leader was far more useful than being seen as a mother of children, a nurturer. In the new millennium, we are a bit more conflicted about multiple roles; we want to see leaders in their human forms as well, for which we often punish them.
But Bhutto was both a tough-minded leader AND a mother, and recently, according to accounts in the Washington Post and other media, returned to Pakistan with mixed feelings about those roles and how they tend to hit up against each other.
Which brings me to Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi. Both are moms and both are "tough-minded" leaders. For me personally, the sight of Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House with all those children around her choked me up. The encounters I have had with Hillary Clinton are personally inspiring. But I am as concerned and disappointed about where both have gone as I can be.
They have tried to work within the limited and limiting power structures of the party system, playing by the rules set up by men jockeying for more power, higher positions, and often working against the needs and interests of the people who elected them. Balancing between the powers of good and evil as these women seem to do well, does not lead to positive results for humankind; it leads to more compromise and frustration.
Any parent will tell you that raising children is often a battle between the heart and the head. For women also operating in the competitive worlds of business and politics, policy and economics, war and diplomacy, the split can be palpable.
As an example, let us return--reluctantly--to the year 1999, when Bill told us he did not have sex with that woman. At that moment, who did Hillary Clinton believe she needed to be? The loyal wife? The future world leader? Chelsea's mom? And why did she not deck him, or at the least, send him packing for a few weeks to cool his heels at Blair House?
Nancy Pelosi, who has a kind of bully pulpit position, not to mention years of experience raising children and surviving in politics, does not appear to know how to lead with the kind of tough-minded compassionate sense that she must have parented with. How can she not be sending these idiots to their rooms, or at least to their books, to read up on what they are missing about the Constitution, torture, and general fair-mindedness?
And what does this have to do with the assassination of Benazir Bhutto?
Enter Elizabeth Edwards: tough-minded mother and fighter for good. Does anyone doubt her sincerity, especially since she has been so absolutely clear about her priorities? This is a woman straddling mothering and campaigning at the same time she is straddling life and death. Good grief! Literally.
As we all struggle with the violence, criminality, thuggery, injustice, and theft of democracy in the service of profits and powermongering, what more can and should women be doing about it? I ask myself regularly, as a mother, would I let my kids get away with this behavior?
Of course I wouldn't.
And that is why the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, the hard choices and positive work of Elizabeth Edwards, and my disappointment in Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton collided last night in heartbreaking realizations. The night before, Richard and I, in a sado-masochistic frenzy of video-watching, decided to view The Road to Guantanamo, Iraq for Sale, and No End in Sight. By the end of that night, we were clear about how this mess of the world unfolded, and it was also clear how deeply we hope Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfield, Paul Wolfowitz, and George W. Bush will receive the appropriate consequences for their evil-minded and bone-headed actions. But what can WE do? As I wept and fumed, I thought about the Code Pink women, and the women activists I have been working with over the past few years, including many of you, and I thought:
Women of the world: the courts and the police and the generals and the leaders have blown it. Cooperation with the institutions of government has led only to compromise and ineffectiveness. Our children are in moral and physical danger, and the core principles of democracy and fairness, the hope for change for the better, the very heart of the matter is in our hands. Let the murder of a woman who tried to straddle between the worlds of loving and tough-minded parenting and tough-minded caring governance be a rallying cry for the "fair sex" to teach the lessons of fairness and balance.
And let us do it NOW.
Discuss below. (NSA, I hope that the thought of the wrath of women scares the shit out of you. Unless, of course, after reading all that email and online threads, you feel like joining us. It won't be violent, you know--we are, first and foremost, nurturers. But it WILL be effective. Contact us: we know you have our numbers.)
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I've been a feminist since I heard about them and figure there is the full range of political thought represented by both genders and would be happy to see women at least get parity and men do more child care and housework, like maybe eventually half.
Someone had a DKos diary recently that friends were talking about where she essentially said H Clinton or other women might have some advantage because of being women and being able to multitask the way alot of women have to do. Someone pointed out that Joe Biden's wife and child were tragically killed early in his career and he commuted 90 minutes each night back to his remaining children. I also think back to John Kerry and the way he'd go home to his daughters in Boston and miss DC hobnobbing. Some people linked his divorce and first wife's depression to his ambition but they would not probably have said the same about a woman.
I work with all women and benefit from the less hierarchical structure but do find alot of overprocessing and need for extreme consensus which slows things down. Personally, I prefer some elements of working with both genders mixed and certainly from having some time on the road vs in a building, ie alone time.
The gender gap for voting is still important. There are rightwing women and their "nurture" side can be roused by scare talk about terror, but traditionally and still, within the Democratic party, women tend to be very concerned about education, healthcare and less militaristic-minded.
Re women in power disappointing us, I hope that being co-opted isn't the only way to break through the glass ceiling - for women and for minorities. That would be sad.
I agree, nmp, that the feminist way of doing business has it's own peculiar set of limitations. And that extreme consensus stuff can easily become tyrranical. I also want to be sure that I am not omitting any of the wonderful men on this website, most of whom get the picture. I am just starting to think that until and unless we go with the heart and fairness, we are going to be frustrated.
I have ideas about how to do this, but also want to hear the ideas of others.
I think that more men have a "masculine" style and more women a "feminine" style but that there is more overlap - people are expected to conform to the behavior deemed appropriate for their gender.
Granted, there are some demonstrable biological differences, such as an average thicker corpus callosum in women, linked behaviorally to more integrated cerebral hemispheres.
Functionally, there are plenty of men who get lost, and won't ask for directions - whereas they are supposed to be superior for spatial perception yet also for logic. That in itself is counterintuitive because the former is a primarily right brain activity, the latter left brain.
In practice, an intelligent person of either gender mediates via the frontal lobes and should be able to mature to where they are emotional/logical, intuitive/rational etc.
There are personal tendencies too. My husband is a fact rememberer and I am an associater when it comes to verbal information. When it comes to visual information, I can remember exact details and he has a vague relativistic overview. If anything is moved, he is at a complete loss. Neither he nor my son can organize things spatially, so it falls to me. But both of them can remember in detail crazy things from the past which to me are gone forever, unless I happened to have photographed them.
I would be willing to bet that the best leaders of all time have had a balanced mix of "masculine" and "feminine" characteristics. & notice that the Republican men go for the "macho" image (fake cowboy on the ranch clearing brush, citing the actor cowboy; bodybuilder action hero governor; wrestler governor etc.) I don't think it's actually an effective model at all.
& then women are pushed to show their "softer, more feminine" cookie baking side. I mean, obviously they have families, they are women biologically. They may be less likely to bomb but I wouldn't bank on that either. I think I am most comfortable examining carefully the records of leaders and watching how they react to things when they don't have time to follow a script or consult an advisor, voice coach etc.
Karen,
I share your disappointment in Pelosi and Hilary, and your deep respect for Elizabeth Edwards.
I, too, choked up when Pelosi took the gavel. But I have been so disappointed by her lack of anything but wielding her power to NOT do what the people want, and her continuing to give Bush what he wants.
Elizabeth seems to be really in touch with her feminine power. Despite it all.
Carol and Karen and nmp,
I too share your disappointment. I too had such high hopes for Pelosi. I had more respect for Hillary in 92-2000 than I do now. And while I don't trust or completely accept Edwards at this time, I do however trust and prefer Elizabeth Edwards. I wish she were running instead of John.
It's time for all womensfolk to rise and assert themselves.
Granted, there are some right wing women who insist that the women's role is to serve their men well (and men, such as those around me, who insist that women are there only to let men reproduce). But then, I am from a culture where abortions are performed not to give women reproductive choice, but to ensure a male offspring and continued male supremacy.
I am suddenly thinking of the CodePink thong that says "no peace, no pussy." Time to get firm on that.
One thing I love about the progressive movement is that the women feel more empowered - no more obligation to carry the guilt of Eve's original sin, for starters.
And I do share Karen's disappointment in Hillary and Pelosi.
Karen - friends and I have been saying all along that the world needs more mothers/nurturers in the leading roles of government. What we don't need are women who get those positions and then work exactly as a man would - like Thatcher - and I'm fearful, Hillary would also.
People who think *revenge* and *avenge*, will never understand peace. Peace does not come about by winning a war. It comes about by following the advice in all of the world's sacred books - by loving thy neighbour and by loving thy enemy. Only women can get this across to the hardest, coldest, steeliest souls of man.
And what is NSA?
woz,
NSA is the National Security Agency, that which reads our email and follows our activities in this country. To all our friends at the NSA, and we know you are there!- happy new year! Think more deeply about what you are doing!
Karen,
How did the women in Northern Ireland help their country reach a peaceful agreement? They certainly were not the only forces for good, but they clearly had an impact. Similary, MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) has been very successful as well.
From a male perspective, I see these women as "ordinary" women who will stop at nothing to reach their objectives. They did not wear costumes, which set them apart from most other women, but instead made themselves "more like" their other female counterparts, I think that is only part of what made them successful.
How does a "movement" grow. I am not sure, but there has to be enough of an understanding among those not originally involved in the movement that the cause is just and right. Exporting that understanding is the challenge as I believe that most people who do understand the facts, they will do what is right.
Humbly submitted to a resolute group of women by a male.
Well this woman is cleaning closets today.
We've come a long way baby (sarcasm).
Karen- loved the video at the top of this page - High Hope
John
I'm sad for you and your family over your loss. I read your words here occasionally over the past year since I joined. And perhaps I responded at times. I didn't know about Linda and her struggles. From the words I've read here today on this blog Linda was a person who will be remembered for a very long time.
During this time of sadness, reflect on the celebration of Linda's life and how you are all richer for having had her in your lives. I doubt that there will be a day go by that you don't think of her. There is a huge hole in your soul right now. It will slowly fill with all the blessings that Linda brought to your life.